Misadventures in Dating
I've been content being single for several years now. I enjoy being independent, doing my own things. Recently since my struggle with depression has been kicked into high gear, I decided I should spend some time outside my own head. I joined the terrifying world of online dating... and boy, did I get in WAY over my head.
First there was the blind kid. My friends and I affectionately referred to him as "Blind Barry*"; he was sarcastic and good-humored about his disability. Having never interacted with a blind person before, going on a date with him wasn't as awkward as I had anticipated. Blind Barry texted me the next day and informed me that while he thought that I was very nice and funny, he had been on a date with another girl and "morally he could not pursue two relationships at once". He expected me to be offended, heartbroken and upset. I was quite okay with it however; I'm old-fashioned in the sense that I enjoy going on dates and getting to know guys before I just declare them to be my boyfriend. I wished him good luck in his endeavor and he got offended that I took the crushing news so well. He ended up texting me about a month later, asking for another chance. I guess things didn't work out with the other girl!
Next was "Sexual Shane*" who was nerdy and awkward. From the minute we met, he was entirely too "handsy". Upon meeting, he hugged me and leaned in to kiss me - LESS THAN 30 SECONDS AFTER WE MET. Then, as we walked into the restaurant, he wrapped his arm around my waist. I suspected he had ADHD or Asperger's (or both). He wasn't just nerdy and awkward, he was missing key social cues. I ignored it and focused instead on how sweet and endearing he was. I apparently think every guy is sweet because I missed the warning signsThe second time we went out, he attempted to make me touch him three times. The first time I ignored him and gently pulled my hands away. The second time I warned him that "if he tried to make me, I would leave". The third time I headed for the door. He apologized and I forgave him, but I silently told myself that I would never see him again.
I texted him the following day and told him that while I had a good time at dinner, we were searching for two different things. He agreed and I thought I was done. The next day he texted me, asking what I was looking for. I had already deleted his number and had to ask who he was, which I'm sure was a blow to his ego. He apologized for pushing, even though I had said no. I ignored his texts and rejected his phone call that followed. Good luck to you, Shane. I hope you find someone who's prepared to give you a hand job the second time you meet..
Next was "Sexual Shane*" who was nerdy and awkward. From the minute we met, he was entirely too "handsy". Upon meeting, he hugged me and leaned in to kiss me - LESS THAN 30 SECONDS AFTER WE MET. Then, as we walked into the restaurant, he wrapped his arm around my waist. I suspected he had ADHD or Asperger's (or both). He wasn't just nerdy and awkward, he was missing key social cues. I ignored it and focused instead on how sweet and endearing he was. I apparently think every guy is sweet because I missed the warning signsThe second time we went out, he attempted to make me touch him three times. The first time I ignored him and gently pulled my hands away. The second time I warned him that "if he tried to make me, I would leave". The third time I headed for the door. He apologized and I forgave him, but I silently told myself that I would never see him again.
I texted him the following day and told him that while I had a good time at dinner, we were searching for two different things. He agreed and I thought I was done. The next day he texted me, asking what I was looking for. I had already deleted his number and had to ask who he was, which I'm sure was a blow to his ego. He apologized for pushing, even though I had said no. I ignored his texts and rejected his phone call that followed. Good luck to you, Shane. I hope you find someone who's prepared to give you a hand job the second time you meet..
Then there was "Dependable Derek*"...who turned out to be not so dependable after all. Divorced three years prior, he was dating to get married. We ended up going on 4 dates in the span of 5 days. We went from 0 to 600 in a millisecond; we fluctuated between complete strangers to hormonal teens unable to keep their hands off each other. He was terrified to be vulnerable with someone again, after the emotional damage his ex-wife had inflicted upon him. I somehow became the less jaded, more confident one. We slept together and that's when things got weird. In the end it had nothing to do with me, and more that he had no idea what he wanted. We eventually just stopped talking and he fell off the face of the planet.
**6 month update: He was experiencing symptoms of appendicitis and he feared it was appendix cancer. He was worried such a diagnosis would drive me away. He managed to do that all on his own, without any cancer.**
**6 month update: He was experiencing symptoms of appendicitis and he feared it was appendix cancer. He was worried such a diagnosis would drive me away. He managed to do that all on his own, without any cancer.**
There are two Dan's*, a Gary*, a Jared*, a Jack* and a Evan* who are all currently texting me. There are 3-4 other guys who are messaging me on the dating app. I can barely keep them all straight. One has sparked my interest; he seems like a sweet guy and I am willing to give him a fair chance.
There's one guy though, who may have stolen my heart. I never in a million years would have ever expected I would say this about "Bored Billy" but he might be the guy for me. I met him when I first joined a different online dating site last May (an account that I kept activated for a whole 48 hours). I gained a stalker from that site and I was exceedingly cautious about talking to Billy at all.
Our conversation never seemed to grow beyond awkward small talk. My friends and I referred to him as "Bored Billy" because he only seemed to show up every once in a while. I assumed he was a guy who only texted me when he was bored and was looking for some action or someone to talk to.
He always insisted that I was beautiful, that he "knew I was a good person", that he "knew I was the girl for him". He always insisted that "he just knew". Still gun-shy from my stalker, I continuously reminded him that he didn't know me AT ALL. He continued to disagree, quietly and patiently. I tried to get rid of him by ignoring his texts for weeks on end, unable to find the words to gently refuse him.
I went through my rough time during my promotion and he kept his distance, patiently and quietly. He checked in now and again, but never pestered me. To be honest, I pitied him -- the poor boy who thought I was beautiful and kind, who couldn't accept that I was anything else, unable to see the girl falling apart at the seams just below the surface. I kept thinking, "He has no idea what he's getting himself into".
Our conversation never seemed to grow beyond awkward small talk. My friends and I referred to him as "Bored Billy" because he only seemed to show up every once in a while. I assumed he was a guy who only texted me when he was bored and was looking for some action or someone to talk to.
He always insisted that I was beautiful, that he "knew I was a good person", that he "knew I was the girl for him". He always insisted that "he just knew". Still gun-shy from my stalker, I continuously reminded him that he didn't know me AT ALL. He continued to disagree, quietly and patiently. I tried to get rid of him by ignoring his texts for weeks on end, unable to find the words to gently refuse him.
I went through my rough time during my promotion and he kept his distance, patiently and quietly. He checked in now and again, but never pestered me. To be honest, I pitied him -- the poor boy who thought I was beautiful and kind, who couldn't accept that I was anything else, unable to see the girl falling apart at the seams just below the surface. I kept thinking, "He has no idea what he's getting himself into".
So I pushed him away. I ran away. I ignored him for weeks at a time because it was easier and safer. I was attempting to protect not only myself, but this naive, misguided boy who had no idea how truly messed up I am.
A few months ago around Thanksgiving, he popped up again and we began talking more regularly. Now it's rare if I go a day without talking to him. While I am still dating casually, I realize what a good heart Billy has and how patient he has been with me. A friend told me that it's like love at first sight, somehow Billy just has this inherent knowledge of me. He "just knows".
He's a man of few words and I've had to teach him the difference between "you're" and "your" (a major pet peeve of mine). But in five words, he can find what I'm hiding, unlike other guys who take novels of texts and weeks of conversation to figure out. He knows I've been hurt and I come with baggage; somehow he's put up with my flightiness and cruelty for the last 8 months. He knows I run away from things that are real because I'm afraid. He's patient, kind, loyal and sweet. He could have purple skin and come from Mars for all I care, his heart is the biggest I've ever met.
It took him 8 months of texting but he finally asked me out and we're having dinner and a movie in 2 days. I'm nervous and excited. I think I really like him; I actually might be falling for him. How can you fall for someone you've never even met in person??? I might be getting ahead of myself, but I'm 23. I want to fall in love. Can you blame me?
He's a man of few words and I've had to teach him the difference between "you're" and "your" (a major pet peeve of mine). But in five words, he can find what I'm hiding, unlike other guys who take novels of texts and weeks of conversation to figure out. He knows I've been hurt and I come with baggage; somehow he's put up with my flightiness and cruelty for the last 8 months. He knows I run away from things that are real because I'm afraid. He's patient, kind, loyal and sweet. He could have purple skin and come from Mars for all I care, his heart is the biggest I've ever met.
It took him 8 months of texting but he finally asked me out and we're having dinner and a movie in 2 days. I'm nervous and excited. I think I really like him; I actually might be falling for him. How can you fall for someone you've never even met in person??? I might be getting ahead of myself, but I'm 23. I want to fall in love. Can you blame me?
In the end, what I've learned from online dating is that there are some good guys out there. Most of them actually have a weird obsession with cuddling and snuggling. While you try to sift through the jerks who just want sex and the crazy guys who want to start popping out babies by Monday, you do stumble across a few good eggs once in a while. Be smart ladies; don't go to a guy's apartment on the second date. People are not inherently bad and guys aren't merely hormonal or emotionally unavailable. Online dating is terrifying, but it's opened me up to a whole world of meeting new people and perhaps finding love.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
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