Love is patient, love is kind
I've always been a firm believer that happiness is a simple thing... as is cheating on a significant other/spouse. If you're unhappy, then change it. We make our own happiness in this world, whether it's hobbies, the people we surround ourselves with or even the solitude we choose for ourselves sometimes. If you want to sleep with and/or date other people, do it -- after you've ended things with the previous person.
Like most people I know, I viewed cheaters as, well, scum. I've been cheated on before and trust me, it blows. You feel cheap, manipulated and sad. Recently, a good friend of mine cheated on his girlfriend of eight months with one of his coworkers. For the sake of keeping things straight without using specific names, here's the cast of characters:
In defense of The Cheatee, she didn't know that my friend was in a committed (or not so committed) relationship. She was horrified when she found out and to be quite honest, I'm surprised she hasn't blabbed to The Girlfriend yet. It would be incredibly easy for her to merely mention it the next time The Girlfriend came to visit her boyfriend at work.
I've never been a huge fan of The Girlfriend; the feeling is mutual though. She's never trusted me, but more importantly she's never EVER trusted my friend from the day they started dating. She's the type to call all hours of the night, cry if she's not invited to go places with him, go through his phone, send Snapchats of herself to all the girls in his contacts to remind us all that she still exists... She calls and texts to ask weird, nosey questions when we're out to dinner with friends; last night when we were out celebrating a friend's birthday, she texted him these consecutive texts:
My friend is a truly sweet, smart, attractive, charismatic guy with a lot to offer; if he wanted, he could easily find another girl -- as made evident by the fact that he did not have to look very far to find a girl willing to sleep with him. While I understand how incredibly irritating and irrational his girlfriend is, no one deserves to be treated that way. He remarked to me the other day, "Just because I throw a baseball around in my backyard, doesn't make me a baseball player. Just because I cheated once, doesn't make me a cheater". Cheating once is bad enough, cheating twice but with the same girl doesn't cancel out the fact that he did something wrong, and somehow feels no guilt. He has no regret for his actions and no remorse for the damage his actions have and will cause.
When I look him in the eye, I see that he's an insecure, terrified guy who doesn't know how to break up with a girl. Breaking up is never easy, but "No" is going to be a hard pill to swallow for a girl like The Cheated. I lost a tremendous amount of respect for him because his morality has been called into question; cheating is one thing but to feel that you have done no wrong in that act? To have one's moral compass so crooked that it sees cheating as a justifiable act?
It's not my place to tell The Girlfriend so for now I will keep my mouth shut; one day this will all blow up in my friend's face. I love my friend dearly; he's like the little brother I never had. When did I become the kind of person that I overlook what he's done to her -- that I can love him regardless of the mistake that he has made even though he doesn't view it as such? We all have faults, but how can I walk the fine line of loving him despite his flaws, without it seeming like I am condoning his actions? I give an A-grade lecture, but there is no stopping this kid; he just can't seem to get it through his thick skull.
Like most people I know, I viewed cheaters as, well, scum. I've been cheated on before and trust me, it blows. You feel cheap, manipulated and sad. Recently, a good friend of mine cheated on his girlfriend of eight months with one of his coworkers. For the sake of keeping things straight without using specific names, here's the cast of characters:
"The Cheater": My Friend
"The Cheated": The Girlfriend
and "The Cheatee": The Other Girl.
I've never been a huge fan of The Girlfriend; the feeling is mutual though. She's never trusted me, but more importantly she's never EVER trusted my friend from the day they started dating. She's the type to call all hours of the night, cry if she's not invited to go places with him, go through his phone, send Snapchats of herself to all the girls in his contacts to remind us all that she still exists... She calls and texts to ask weird, nosey questions when we're out to dinner with friends; last night when we were out celebrating a friend's birthday, she texted him these consecutive texts:
What are you doing?
Where are you?
Who are you with?
What are you wearing?
Where are you?
What are you going to eat?
When I get out at 9:30, I'm going to call you and you better answer.
Normally I would find these stories hard to believe if I didn't see the texts and witness the outlandish phone calls for myself. The amateur psychologist in me thinks that she always knew he was likely to cheat and that by checking up on him constantly, he wouldn't be able to. Unfortunately, her plan backfired and I truly believe that her craziness drove him away faster. He was probably always the kind of guy who would cheat, her paranoia just sped up the process.My friend is a truly sweet, smart, attractive, charismatic guy with a lot to offer; if he wanted, he could easily find another girl -- as made evident by the fact that he did not have to look very far to find a girl willing to sleep with him. While I understand how incredibly irritating and irrational his girlfriend is, no one deserves to be treated that way. He remarked to me the other day, "Just because I throw a baseball around in my backyard, doesn't make me a baseball player. Just because I cheated once, doesn't make me a cheater". Cheating once is bad enough, cheating twice but with the same girl doesn't cancel out the fact that he did something wrong, and somehow feels no guilt. He has no regret for his actions and no remorse for the damage his actions have and will cause.
When I look him in the eye, I see that he's an insecure, terrified guy who doesn't know how to break up with a girl. Breaking up is never easy, but "No" is going to be a hard pill to swallow for a girl like The Cheated. I lost a tremendous amount of respect for him because his morality has been called into question; cheating is one thing but to feel that you have done no wrong in that act? To have one's moral compass so crooked that it sees cheating as a justifiable act?
It's not my place to tell The Girlfriend so for now I will keep my mouth shut; one day this will all blow up in my friend's face. I love my friend dearly; he's like the little brother I never had. When did I become the kind of person that I overlook what he's done to her -- that I can love him regardless of the mistake that he has made even though he doesn't view it as such? We all have faults, but how can I walk the fine line of loving him despite his flaws, without it seeming like I am condoning his actions? I give an A-grade lecture, but there is no stopping this kid; he just can't seem to get it through his thick skull.
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